Permanent
by the shadow proves the sunshine
Summary: As Edmund recovers from the pain inflicted by the White Witch, Peter reflects and realizes that his love for his brother is permanent. Brotherly love, no slash.


**Permanent**

**Summary**: As Edmund lies recovering, Peter reflects and realizes that his love for his brother is permanent. Brotherly love, no slash.

**Author's Note**: This story was inspired by David Cook's song "Permanent", and even though it's not a songfic if you're familiar with the song it should be easy to recognize where some of the inspiration came from. Also, there's a bit in here that explains a little exchange between Peter and Edmund in my other story "Bonds". Even though this story is totally understandable without reading that story, I thought it was a nice bit of background.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Peter, Edmund, or any other recognizable Narnia material. .

---

I pressed the wet rag to Edmund's forehead as he mumbled in fevered dreams. My touch was gentler than it had been in times before, as I had now seen the scars he carried. I only wished the dangerous ones were the ones marked on his body, but I knew the real hurt was internal.

I fought to hold back my tears, wanting to be strong for Edmund even as he slipped into unconsciousness. My guilt was as heavy as the blanket of snow that had recently covered the ground. For I could not shake the feeling that had I been a better older brother, if I had showed him the care I had shown Lucy and Susan, the situation would not be as it was.

The tears fell silently. I had done all I could to stop them- they had to take their course. I cursed myself for breaking down, but even as I shook my head, I realized I no longer cared. My brother was safe, my brother was beside me, and I had a right to release my emotion.

Edmund blinked and I realized he was slowly breaking his fever. "Peter?" He whispered. His voice was so raspy and hoarse, just hearing him try to talk made me want to start sobbing. However, I controlled my emotion to a steady stream of tears.

"Shh. . ." I quieted him. "I'm here Ed." He looked at me, those dark eyes so full of emotion. I knew he's apologizing and begging and forgiving and looking for love all at the same time. In only a few days Edmund's eyes had aged years.

"I'm right here, Edmund." I whispered again. "Save your strength." He nodded, drifting back off to sleep. We would have much to discuss later, but right now, nothing matters except my brother was well.

----

It had been a few hours, and I was told Edmund was in much better condition. I walked back into the tent where he has been set up. Truthfully, I never wanted to leave, but Aslan has told me that such are the duties of a King. Now, however, I was getting back to my brother as quickly as I could.

"I don't know why you still want me." Edmund said as I entered with his back facing me. I was astounded he could tell it was me so easily, but then again, he always had done better than I had given him credit for.

"Ed, Aslan told us there is no need to talk of what has past." I reminded gently, once again picking up the wet cloth. Edmund was doing much better; that was sure, as I remembered just a few hours earlier when he had barely been able to choke my name out, but his wounds were still nasty and certainly needed to be cleaned again.

I knew Edmund wouldn't like it, and he flinched away, but eventually he settled back enough to let me clean his wounds. It said quite a bit that he submitted to my administration without complaint.

Edmund's eyes sought mine, still looking so apologetic, and it was at that moment I knew that we would always be able to work anything out. There was nothing he could do that would make me stop loving him. He was my brother, and that was all that was needed.

"Ed, I'm not going anywhere. Ever." I replied to his questioning look as I dipped the cloth back into the basin.

---

I sighed, enjoying the cool night air. I had been by Edmund's side, but he had finally drifted off to sleep and I needed to be alone.

It seemed that we should be happy, that we should feel joy. In some ways I did. The battle was over; the war was won. Soon we would be placed in charge of Narnia by Aslan himself. It was a daunting task and I know we all felt the weight.

Edmund, however, was still in bad shape. Lucy's cordial had healed the physical injuries, but it couldn't cure nightmares. And I had a feeling Edmund was experiencing his fair share of those.

It did not surprise me when Aslan placed himself beside me, though he didn't speak. I think he was waiting for me to speak first.

"I wish I could suffer this torture for him," I started, voicing my feelings, "I wish I could have prevented this." My words had started slow but they were becoming quicker and I soon found myself telling Aslan all I felt. My emotions about Edmund, about being a king and ruling a country, about my family. .. everything that had been pressing upon me for days.

When I was done I was surprised to find I had started slowly letting the tears fall without realizing it. I hastily wiped them away so as to better see Aslan.

I was expecting Aslan to say something, but his response shocked me.

"Peter, do you love me?" He asked, his large golden eyes filled with compassion.

I had been playing with the hem of my shirt but the question startled me so much I stopped suddenly. I thought of all that had happened since we entered Narnia, and all that Aslan had done. How he had saved my brother. How could I not love him?

"Yes." I replied, my voice soft but without doubt.

Aslan once again responded with a question. "Do you love your brother?"

This one took no thinking at all. "Absolutely. I would do anything to save him from what he's going through."

"Do you love this land?"

This one was harder to answer. Narnia and its inhabitants were wonderful creatures with great variety, and certainly they were loveable. But did I love them? I had known them for a very short time. I could come to love them; of that, I was sure. But did I love them now?

I glanced back to the Lion. He had loved my family, and he loved the Narnians. And I loved Him for all he had done. Mrs. Beaver had told me of how he created Narnia, so how could I not love something Aslan had created and loved?

"Yes." I replied, softer this time, but still sure of my answer.

"Then as long as you keep your love for me, and for your family, and for your kingdom, and you let it guide your decisions, you will do well, High King. The most you can do for your brother is be by his side. This will pass, but your love for him and his love for you are permanent."

"And your love?" I asked, already knowing the answer but hoping Aslan would indulge me enough so I could hear it anyways.

A small growl came from the back of his chest, but it was not of anger. It seemed more a growl to show the intensity with which his words came. "My love is the most permanent of all."

--

I thought Edmund was asleep when I re-entered the tent, but he turned and looked at me. I froze, feeling guilty for waking him.

"Where were you?" He asked curiously, still half-asleep as he blinked, trying to grow accustomed to the darkness.

"Talking to Aslan." I whispered back, my voice at a level much lower than his question.

The silence fell again, but I felt I should say or do something. Taking a chance, I moved my blanket from one side of the tent right next to Edmund.

"What are you doing?" Edmund asked, confused but clearly not angry like he once would have been.

"Protecting you from nightmares." I stated matter-of-factly.

"Protecting me or protecting yourself?" Edmund asked, a gleam in his eye. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Of course Edmund would guess that I had been having nightmares ever since we entered Narnia.

"Does it matter?" I smiled back.

It was silent for almost a few seconds before Edmund spoke, and I wondered if either of us would get to sleep.

"I am sorry, you know," He whispered, "Your nightmares are all my fault."

I shushed him with a shake of my head. "I'm not blaming you. I'm just glad they never turned into reality."

I could read in his expression that part of him wanted to ask me exactly what my nightmares were, but in the end he decided to save it for another time.

"Good night, Peter." He whispered, yawning and turning over, clearly wanting to go back to sleep.

"Good night." I whispered. The night became still again, and I knew I should let Edmund sleep, but there was one thing I had to say.

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you." I replied, my voice cracking as I did so. I had never said those words enough. Now I was just glad for a chance to say them at all.

Edmund chuckled but this time it was kind.

"I love you too Peter. And . . . thank you."

I blinked in confusion. I had been a rather rotten older brother to Edmund up to this point, though he had been rotten as well. The blame lied with both of us, and I had no idea why he wanted to thank me.

"For what?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"For staying here, by my side so much. For still being here after everything I did."

I didn't reply, just smiled as I remembered Aslan's words:

"_Your love for him and his love for you are permanent." _

Oh yes, it was.

Permanent.


End file.
